Buying a Ticket for Something I Don’t Want to Attend

I WENT AGAINST MY GUT FEELING and bought a ticket for a gathering I don’t want to attend. I did it completely out of a sense of “should,” violating my own policy: Either choose to do a thing or choose not to, but don’t hide behind “should.”

So here I am with a ticket to an event I don’t want to go to, an event with which I have a very poor track record. One year I went but left before it began. The second year I went and stayed (my only success). Last year, I got the times mixed up in my head because 1) they keep changing the name and the time – a brunch, a luncheon,  a tea – and 2) I didn’t look at my ticket. I realized I had the time wrong when I pulled into the almost-full parking lot, a foreign experience for me. I’m usually one of the first to arrive at everything. Too embarrassed to walk in halfway through the program, I circled through the lot and kept on going, no regrets.

I thought I’d learned my lesson.

This year, not wishing to go, I refrained from purchasing a ticket for several weeks, then, at the last minute, bought one. I know exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking, you’ll feel differently when the day arrives. I don’t.

What I’d really like to do today……write, read, maybe roll out some cookies while listening to a book from The Mitford Series. But if I’m going, I need to go fix my face and bedhead, and choose something suitable to wear. And I need to go find my smile. I remember where I left it. I left it in the room where I was listening to that Mitford book.

What is wrong with me, that I keep doing this?

About Marilyn

Reading, thinking, listening, writing and talking about faith, creativity, ESL for refugees, grief and finding the story in a story. Student of Spanish. Foe of procrastination. Cheez-it fan. People person with hermit tendencies or vice-versa. Thank you so much for reading.
This entry was posted in philosophical maelstroms, should-free life, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Buying a Ticket for Something I Don’t Want to Attend

  1. Liz says:

    Will someone question if you do not attend? Sometimes, just saying honestly that you had other things that needed to get done. Who is to judge of cookies and listening to a new book are a need? You deserve to take care of yourself without guilt. Hope you enjoy the day. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Juliana says:

    Absolutely nothing is wrong with you! You want to be part of it and you know it is a poor fit for what you actually want to do. You purchase ahead of time to not miss out and then decide that you really do want to miss out (as you suspected when you purchased). Consider the purchase of the ticket a free gift to yourself – the free gift of choice. And today, when it is time, you are making a choice not to go. Your options were open and you walked through the door that best fit you and where you were starting today. Tis the holiday season – there is enough pressure to do things we don’t want to do that we can’t not do. Today is a gift to yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. pastordt says:

    Also? A financial gift to whatever the ministry is. NO guilt, M. I totally get this.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I just loved reading this. And loved Juliana’s advice.


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