Like Dragging a Sadness Uphill

“Like dragging a sadness uphill” is the line on my mind
when I wake a full hour earlier than usual.
I’m not sure I want to chase it down
– see where it came from or where it leads –
but I’ve set myself a challenge

EVENING RAIN
makes me jump up and shut the sunroom windows
to within an inch of sill
to prevent an absolute pour-in.

Afterwards, drops of water cling to the screens,
obscuring our view onto the garden
we’ve surrounded ourselves with,
one plant at a time,
cushions against hard thoughts.

We sit cocooned, reading,
appearance of peacefulness,
me not mentioning again the voicemail I received,
nor the closing line,
“Hope she’s letting you see those grandchildren more,”
nor how I returned the call right away
just to keep her from leaving a similar message in coming days.

She meant well,
but I wasn’t prepared to have it brought up like that,
not at 3:30 on a perfectly ordinary Tuesday,
not when I’ve carefully controlled
the height of the window
so I’m present to the rain
but not washed away by it.

Now beads of thought
cling to the screen I’ve set in place.
I read the same paragraph over and over
reminded of just how long
I’ve been dragging a sadness uphill.

* * *

For writers: Thoughts about the difficulty I had in sharing this particular poem appear HERE

About Marilyn

Reading, thinking, listening, writing and talking about faith, creativity, ESL for refugees, grief and finding the story in a story. Student of Spanish. Foe of procrastination. Cheez-it fan. People person with hermit tendencies or vice-versa. Thank you so much for reading.
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11 Responses to Like Dragging a Sadness Uphill

  1. elizabethfstewart says:

    Sitting here with my just emptied coffee cup, and brimming with the impact of your perfect word picture of living with deep grief. I understand your attempts to cope so that you aren’t drowned in it. I’m praying for a deep awareness of God’s presence with you whatever you find yourself doing and wherever you go today.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Marilyn says:

      Elizabeth, I so appreciate your feedback, letting me know it made sense. I did not know when I began where that line would take me. When it was done, I had a hard time hitting ‘publish.’ I’ll be saying more about that (I hope) in the next post.

      Like

  2. Juliana says:

    Mariou I am so grateful for you and for your willingness to go with this summers challenge. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Katie says:

    Found a sympathy card recently that says: Peace, Strength, Love, Comfort – Wishing you whatever you need the most.
    Whatever you have to say, need to say, want to say, do say – know that any or all of these are my wish for you.
    Katie

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sharon says:

    Marilyn,
    How beautifully articulated!
    How often I have “carefully controlled the height of the window so I’m present to the rain
    but not washed away by it.”

    P.S. I am glad you hit “publish.”
    S

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, Marilyn,
    though our situations differ, my heart empathizes with you and I pray God continues to hold you close in the midst of your grief …((hugs))

    Liked by 1 person

  6. P.S. Thanks for hitting publish and being brave!

    Liked by 1 person

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