Every Year I Want to Go Back

1958

Some wild-haired child in front of my grandparents’ house, 1958.

EVERY YEAR it happens. The school bus stops appearing at the corner at 7 AM and kids are in the neighborhood all day long.

And every year I dream of going back to my Gram’s for a week like I did as a child.

So I reposted the links to posts about that on Twitter. Rereading them was a lot like going back. Maybe even better, for as Wordsworth wrote,

“…nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower…”*

My senior English teacher commented, “We all dream of going back and reliving a particular time, but everyone who’s had that chance knows, it isn’t the same as your memory has preserved it.” She talked to us like grown-ups and so we behaved as such, and thought and spoke as grown-ups within the four walls of her classroom. She had a real gift for teaching, or how else would I have recalled that all these years later?

Now, rereading my own memories, I smile and I do not do what I did as a child, droop sideways on the porch glider, bored, wondering when we’d eat next and what it might be.

Last night at the levee, I caught a whiff of pipe tobacco – briefly, faintly – and this alone was enough to carry me back. I do not wish to be that age again, but I do enjoy remembering.

Write a fond memory today! Maybe share it with someone. :-)

* * *

*from “Ode: Intimations of Immortality,” by William Wordsworth (1770-1850).

Pat and Mike

Secret Ingredient

Every Writer’s Dilemma: To Write Privately or Publicly?

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TWO WEEKS until the Retreat on Forgiveness and I need it.

I’m wondering what to do with all that’s happened and whether people like to read sad things. Or am I just another person dumping their stuff on the world?

I know I pushed the envelope a bit, writing some of my thoughts about growing up with an alcoholic parent, but each piece felt right and the collection brought mail from so many different places, I was glad I’d written. Not just written, but shared. Those are two different things.

But what about this current situation? Will I do anything with it? I mean, besides crumble into dust and be blown to the corners of life?

Will I write about it? (In truth, I have already. 120,000+ words)
Will I share any of it? Will I sift out the gems?

Not to be coy, but this is an important part of being a writer, discerning whether writing “out loud” (in the public eye) serves any purpose. I don’t take these decisions lightly.

There are things that belong in journals,
things that belong in private letters to individuals,
things that belong in a public space.
The wise writer knows the difference.

And though I may at the moment teeter on despair, crying endless hours, feeling the past was a waste and the future is absent, I’m hanging on to being a wise writer, or at least giving the appearance of one.

Two weeks until the retreat. I will gain something there, if only a break. You just never know.

Were Talking about it, Just Not One Day a Week

Were Talking about it, Just Not One Day a Week

How It Starts

How It Starts

Real Reason Most Journals are Abandoned

Real Reason Most Journals are Abandoned

In the Library Children’s Dept, a reminder

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Sometimes the words don’t come. Other times there are too many.

I write three sentences,
skip a line,
start again.

Nothing sounds right.
What is it I’m trying to say?

I need to start over.
I need to clear my head.

I’m up to a thousand words
none of them right,
but I don’t want to toss any,
in case there’s something there.

I need to answer directly,
quickly even.
What’s my answer,
if I was asked in person,
in natural conversation,
over coffee?

In the library children’s department,
where the shelves are low,
where people can reach,
I am reminded:
Keep it simple.
Just say it.

Why do I forget this? I’m sure if it hadn’t been for the girl in Panera, I’d have it done by now. Yes, let’s find someone to blame. :-)